For those of you who just want to hear what's going on with me, I'll bring you up to speed. Since my last entry, these things have happened:
1. We have acquired a new home and are moving in soon.
2. I was diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) so now I have a new pill to take 4 times per day.
3. I was also diagnosed with Restless Leg syndrome.
4. I have come out to everyone as an atheist. My mom deals with it by pretending I never told her. I've had a cousin unfriend me on Facebook.
5. I have not gotten into therapy yet and I have not yet cried.
6. I have been awarded disability.
Let me start with the last one first. I didn't want to apply for disability and I put it off as long as I could. I knew it would be a hassle and I'd already heard about all the hoops I'd have to jump through - possibly for years - in order to ever get it. Surprisingly enough, all I had to do was fill out the paperwork, go see an appointed psychologist, and I won. No denials, no appeals. Apparently, I'm in such bad shape that it wasn't worth the fight.
I realize now that I've been in denial about how serious my condition is. Even though my schizoaffective bipolar is generally well-controlled, my physical body is shot. My short-term memory is gone. It's so bad that I can change a password and, before I get the new one written down, I've forgotten it. I have very little stamina and I get dizzy if I bend over or squat down. I can't stand for any length of time. When I try to sleep at night, my legs tingle so badly from the calf to the ankle that I have to keep a vibrating pad under them just so I can get some relief. When my partner mentioned that maybe we should get a used wheelchair for trips like the Reason Rally and such, I had to admit that I'm just not as capable as I used to be.
The IBS is a real problem. My intestines started swelling after most meals which caused terrible pain. My dad has ulcerative colitis and I can't help but wonder whether I'm following in those footsteps. I take dicyclomine 4 times a day now and it has helped a lot. But now I feel enslaved to more pills just to function.
My dreams have gotten crazy. I've also followed in my dad's footsteps now in that I fight with people in my dreams and scream at them. I wake myself up trying to yell and with fists clenched. I get little rest.
It's hard to know what to say about my Facebook friends and family. Most of them are cool but some of them are just babies. They want to say whatever they want but don't you dare contradict them or post anything disagreeing with them. I've decided that Facebook is the biggest ego cult machine ever and I wonder why I use it. I can't find any reasonable debate or conversation. It's either praise from the Amen Choir or stony silence or else OMG DNT U EVR SAY THT ON MY PAGE. I LUV MY JESUS!
I still hate Facebook. I hate it as much as I love it.
Well, that's all for now. Don't forget to check out our other site if you're interested in atheism, science, activism, and such. Otherwise, I'll see you here when I see you.