So much has happened in the past couple of months. I've had to apply for disability. I've come out to my family. I've been attacked and outed by people in the community for my stand against the personhood amendment.
I have a lot of feelings about this.
Yesterday I felt pretty good. I was able to laugh and have a pretty good time. I felt creative. Today, I'm exhausted, angry, and hurt. I feel like I've done something wrong. I feel like other people are after me.
I hate bipolar disorder but I also hate humanity.
My situation with my mom went much better than it could have. She questioned and didn't want to believe it at first. The next day she attacked me, implying that I was a bully and just did stuff to hurt her. She went to great lengths that day to make it all about her which is normal considering her borderline traits. Now she really doesn't want to talk about it any more and wants me to be her best friend.
I reached out to my sister but I think maybe she's busy today. She seemed distracted. I feel guilty for bothering her.
I've done some damage control regarding the leak of my name and information. Some of it is already fixed and the rest will hopefully be fixed by tomorrow. I don't know how much damage is done. I don't really care that people know what I said online - I have not lied about anything and I stand by my beliefs. But it's disconcerting to know that someone out there that you do not know is trying to make your life hell while they hide behind their computer and laugh.
For some reason I feel angry and alone. I think the feelings are disproportionate to the events. It would be better, I think, if I could face my persecutor on even terms - face to face. Instead, I feel like he's a sniper and he's taking pot shots at me. I had little respect for this person before this: his dishonesty and complete lack of intelligence were not worthy of much respect. Now that he's done this, I have zero respect. A person who is so hateful and stupid should not be able to make me feel this way.
I know this whole thing is going to blow over in a month when the vote is done. I also know that I don't need to encourage this idiot any more by replying to him in any way. Yet it galls me beyond belief that he will have the last word and think he has silenced me. He has not scared me off - he has made me angry. Yet I do not want to overreact and make a mistake in my anger.
What do you guys think? What's the best way to deal with someone who has leaked your name and information and is telling lies? Is it really weakness to just walk away? And what is best for me and my health?